Flailing Already....

So much for getting a strong start out of the gate!  I won't say I'm failing, how about just flailing?  Wednesday I got in my exercise but I did not drink my water and I was over my points by 4.  Yesterday was my brother's 29th birthday and where does he choose for dinner?  Mandarin!  Now I know that I could have eaten soup, salad, and veggies but come on, it's Mandarin for crying out loud!  I guess one of my biggest challenges is that I often will shuck my diet/healthy eating when a social outing presents itself.  I just love food and eating out far too much to opt for the boring menu items!  My previous weight loss journeys have all included a general boycott of restaurants.  Unfortunately this week that isn't possible.  Not only was it my brother's birthday and therefore his choice of venue, but my second wedding anniversary is this Sunday and my husband has said he would like to go to the Blue Heron casino - buffet number two, here I come!  Certainly not an ideal starting situation.  I'm not willing to write this week off altogether but I'm thinking any loss or even just staying the same might be considered a victory.  I realize it's not exaclty an optimistic approach and it certainly feels like I'm not trying very hard but considering how I've been living the past few months, this is actually worlds better!

We reached a big milestone with our daughter this week.  She started solid foods!  Her first taste of rice cereal went very well and I can't wait to get more adventurous in what we can feed her.  This milestone has sent my head spinning for the future.  I want my daughter to be better at eating than I am.  I want her to like eating healthier choices and to eat sweets only as an occasional treat.  She's 6 months and already I am terrified that she will struggle with her weight like I have.  I worry that her Dad and I will not be able to model appropriate eating habits because our repetoire of chosen vegetables is pathetic at best.  And when I turn this back on myself it gets worse.  I worry that my fears of her struggling with weight will cause me to be overcautious in watching her eating habits and therefore end up affecting her sense of self worth.  I worry that she will see my own issues of self esteem and learn to carry this instead of growing up confident in who she is.  And deep deep inside, I worry that if I don't lose the weight, my daughter will be embarrassed to be seen with me.

That was a little more than I intended to delve into 3 blogs in but there you have it....

Well, it's a start....

Day one is coming to an end.  I've partially succeeded in my plan.  I managed to stay within my points and drank my water.  Exercise didn't happen.  Technically I've yet to fail because my goal is five days a week so I suppose today just wasn't one of those days!  On to tomorrow!  Not much else to say tonight on the topic of my weight loss!  Anyone watching America's Got Talent?  I'm so in love with Prince Poppycock!!  My husband finds this particularly bizarre but I just can't get enough!

Oops...I should have said...

Wow, caught myself already!  I wrote that 20lbs had stuck around.  Well, that was true but in the interest of full disclosure, I found 2 more this weekend.  I will make Mondays my "weigh in" day so as of today, I have 22lbs to lose - aiming for the weight I was on my wedding day.  Despite some leftover dissatisfaction, I know I felt good then and with my anniversary approaching, it seems an appropriate goal!

Welcome Bloggers

Well, here goes.  My first post.  As my profile says, I'm preparing for a weight loss journey.  I've stolen this idea from a wonderful friend who has been blogging about weight loss for years....imitation is the highest form of flattery! 

I'm a proud new momma to a beautiful baby girl.  And though I love her dearly, I do not love my post pregnancy body.  When the scale said I had gained 50lbs, I was too anxious about giving birth to worry how on earth I would lose that kind of weight.  6 weeks after my daughter was born, 30lbs had melted off despite the horrible eating I was doing.  The other 20lbs, however, have set up camp and appear determined to stick around.

Since the whole point of this blog is to make myself accountable, I suppose honesty upfront is a must so here goes.  This isn't my first weight loss journey.  Pregnancy is just my current and rather convenient excuse for needing to lose weight.  In fact, most of my post high school life has been the start, middle, or "nearing the end" of a weight loss journey.  In my first year of University, I decided to buckle down and join weight watchers.  It worked wonderfully and with a great amount of will power I lost 30lbs.  I quit weight watchers before actually reaching my goal weight and since that time, it seems I'm always trying to lose those "last ten pounds".  Sometimes it creeps up to 15lbs, rarely it shrinks down to 5lbs but not since high school have I weighed what I feel I should weigh.  Even on my wedding day (2 years ago this Sunday), feeling more fit and healthy than I had in years, I was not satisfied.  I did not reach my goal weight, nor did I get rid of the annoying jiggle in a few unflattering places. 

And so here I am.  I need a jump start to my weight loss because "I just had a baby" is not an excuse I want to be using when Kindergarten is approaching.  My plan at this point is to do three things.  Count and stay on track with my weight watcher points (at home - finances won't allow me joining right now), drink 6 glasses of water a day, and do 30 minutes of activity 5 times per week.  For the past 2 months, I have not followed any of this.  I have eaten anything and everything I feel like without an ounce of will power, water has been used only for bathing, and unless shopping counts, exercise has been next to null.  Making such a drastic change is likely to be difficult and since I've already eaten my share of points today and can't see starving for the rest of the day, I'm going to break a cardinal rule in healthy lifestyle changes and say I START TOMORROW!

That's all for now....I will be back tomorrow to let you know how it's going!