Flailing Already....

So much for getting a strong start out of the gate!  I won't say I'm failing, how about just flailing?  Wednesday I got in my exercise but I did not drink my water and I was over my points by 4.  Yesterday was my brother's 29th birthday and where does he choose for dinner?  Mandarin!  Now I know that I could have eaten soup, salad, and veggies but come on, it's Mandarin for crying out loud!  I guess one of my biggest challenges is that I often will shuck my diet/healthy eating when a social outing presents itself.  I just love food and eating out far too much to opt for the boring menu items!  My previous weight loss journeys have all included a general boycott of restaurants.  Unfortunately this week that isn't possible.  Not only was it my brother's birthday and therefore his choice of venue, but my second wedding anniversary is this Sunday and my husband has said he would like to go to the Blue Heron casino - buffet number two, here I come!  Certainly not an ideal starting situation.  I'm not willing to write this week off altogether but I'm thinking any loss or even just staying the same might be considered a victory.  I realize it's not exaclty an optimistic approach and it certainly feels like I'm not trying very hard but considering how I've been living the past few months, this is actually worlds better!

We reached a big milestone with our daughter this week.  She started solid foods!  Her first taste of rice cereal went very well and I can't wait to get more adventurous in what we can feed her.  This milestone has sent my head spinning for the future.  I want my daughter to be better at eating than I am.  I want her to like eating healthier choices and to eat sweets only as an occasional treat.  She's 6 months and already I am terrified that she will struggle with her weight like I have.  I worry that her Dad and I will not be able to model appropriate eating habits because our repetoire of chosen vegetables is pathetic at best.  And when I turn this back on myself it gets worse.  I worry that my fears of her struggling with weight will cause me to be overcautious in watching her eating habits and therefore end up affecting her sense of self worth.  I worry that she will see my own issues of self esteem and learn to carry this instead of growing up confident in who she is.  And deep deep inside, I worry that if I don't lose the weight, my daughter will be embarrassed to be seen with me.

That was a little more than I intended to delve into 3 blogs in but there you have it....