Busy, Busy

Two weeks since my last post.  I've been done both weeks and although I won't reach my 10lb goal by Thanksgiving, I'm still happy that I have not gained since beginning.  My progress has been slow and I know exactly why.  Of my 3 step plan, only point counting gets accomplished.  Water comes in half way accomplished, and exercise is non existant.  I'm finding it difficult to figure out how I'm supposed to include exercise in my days.  I started my Master's, have a 7 month old, a house to look after, and a husband who would like a little attention now and again.  I have arranged child care for when I'm in class but didn't really think about the readings and assignments I'd need to do at home.  As such, I'm spending every minute without my daughter either in class or with my nose in a book.  This leads to needing to maximize on after bedtime when really what I want to do is sleep.  She still wakes for a night bottle and all of this wrapped up nicely leaves one over tired mommy.  Getting off my rear to exercise amongst this feels like an impossibility.  I was taking my daughter for walks when I started but the weather has been so horrible lately, this hasn't been possible.

In any case, this is just me whining.  I got myself into this predicament and I know I can manage with the priorities, I'm just not sure how to squeeze in exercise as one of these priorities. 

On to another struggle....damn Halloween treats!!!  I love this time of year but the mounds of chocolate and chips bought to hand out to kids.....that don't make it to the actual night....is interfering with my will power!  It's tough when counting points too becasue these are generally only a point a piece so it seems not a big deal but at the end of the day, when you review what you've eaten and realize half your points came from chocolate, it's pretty easy to see why the loss is so slow!

And next comes Turkey dinner.....

Mmmmmmm, food.....

Til next time,
Jessica

Moving Along

I'm officially changing my weigh in day to Tuesdays.  Monday is a particularly busy day for me and I'm finding it difficult to remember to blog and/or at least sign in to update my weight loss ticker. 

I'd like to be moving along faster with this whole weight loss thing but I'm happy that the loss has continued.  With all the technology in the world, why hasn't anyone managed to "discover" a fast, safe, and healthy method of weight loss?  You know, one that maybe involves taking a little pill with a spoonful of sugar (or chocolate) while sitting on my derriere watching television.  Ah, to dream.  But the hard work must continue.  Like right now.  It's getting on 11pm and my stomach is rumbling while my head envisions various forms of bread, pasta, pizza, and a variety of scrumptious desserts.  I'm ignoring all the little voices that seem to be calling from my kitchen and will instead head to bed soon. 

Til next time,
Jessica

Gaining Confidence

My weigh in on Monday had me down 2.0lbs.  I was hoping for a little more but since Aunt Flo arrived for a visit this morning, I probably shouldn't be too hard on myself.  Such a wonderful addition to weight loss....to get slapped by fluctuations of water that are out of our control yet we still seem to think we should be able to overcome.  I have stuck with my points and am feeling more confident that I am going to be able to keep my eating under control for the first time since I was about 7 months pregnant!  I even started a cake course on Sunday and didn't spend the afternoon eating all that I had made! 

I'm struggling with drinking enough water right now.  Perhaps it's from my pregnancy days and getting very sick of drinking nothing but water and milk - blah.  Perhaps that's just an excuse.  But really, I just have no desire to drink water and I know how important it is, not only for weight loss, but for my skin, and health in general.  Someone needs to figure out a way to make water more exciting.  Crystal Lite has done a good job but I find myself partial to the flavours that aren't available in Canada, like Fruit Punch, yum!

I've decided on a goal.  I would like to hit the 10lb loss mark by Thanksgiving.  With many family events, I would love to feel confident attending.  Currently, I get upset everytime I have to leave my house for a place that track pants and bulky sweaters are inappropriate.  I stress over what to wear and try different outfits, nixing them all and engaging in several rounds of beating myself down with negative thoughts.  It usually ends in me realizing I have no choice but to go and after giving myself one final disapproving look, I remind myself my daughter was worth it and that I won't feel like this forever, that I am working towards a change.  It would probably do me good to go out and buy some clothes that fit, that I feel look good but I fear this will only interfere with my overall goal.  I feel this will somehow be admitting defeat and accepting the size I am currently at.  I want to continue to work towards fitting back into the clothes I once felt somewhat confident in.  Perhaps this is the wrong way to approach this though? 

I'm just not sure.  But, the baby is crying and it's time to jump into momma mode.
Til next time,

Jessica

Weekend Semi-Success

I'm feeling pretty good about this weekend.  It wasn't perfect, but it was pretty damn close!  Friday night I stayed within my points despite having company while others were drinking and we played cards.  Saturday I went to the Orono Fair.  I had a hot dog and a soft serve ice cream.  I counted this the best I could, ate lower cal for breakfast and dinner, and figured at the end of the day I was 4 over.  I saved those 4 points today and despite feeling a little hungry now, I'm going to drink some water and head to bed soon.  I didn't get any intentional exercise in this weekend but I did walk all over the fair Saturday and ran my behind off today with housework and laundry so that has to count for something!  I also drank all my water except for Saturday.  I'm pleased and am hoping the scale will show my efforts tomorrow morning.  It's Big Brother night so I don't have much else to say today....except maybe "GO LANE GO!"

Jessica

On my way

This week is going far better than last week and I feel really good about it!  I have exercised 3 days in a row and have maintained my points and water since Monday!  I forgot how good it feels to end my day knowing that I did not overeat, I did not sit on my behind all day (as much as you can with a baby at home), and I drank something other than diet pepsi!  It seems so minor but feeling as though I am accomplishing something this week gives me a glimmer of hope that returning to my pre-pregnancy weight is possible.  I was beginning to feel as though I would never get the motivation back.  I believe I can do this, I believe the will power is in me somewhere, and I believe that I can get to a place where I will no longer look in the mirror and frown at my reflection.

The challenge ahead is the weekend.  Friday night is looming and I swear there is a voice in my head that screams - time for some REAL food!  Even when I was at goal weight, I maintained by following a very simple plan.  Strict eating Sunday-Thursday, and "I see it, I eat it" Friday and Saturday.  I am definitely a binge eater and find it hard to stop once I get going.  I also find it difficult to just have one bad for me meal.  The second I have something I shouldn't, I figure I've blown it so I might as well blow it well!  It's a bad attitude and requires a change in thinking that I just haven't figured out how to make.

I'm hoping choosing Monday as my weigh in day will help me keep my weekends in check.  It certainly wouldn't be hard to undo all I've done in a matter of two days!

Crossing my fingers.....

Success At Last!

After beginning just over a week ago, I have finally had a successful day in meeting my 3 step plan - I stayed within my points, drank all of my water, and exercised!  Hallelujiah!  I felt great going to bed last night and even avoided the annoying little man that lives in our candy dish and calls to me when I pass by the kitchen table.  I also discovered that pushing a "14lb meatloaf" in a stroller on a very windy day is quite the workout!

Tonight's challenge is dinner at my parent's.  A standing date for just over 3 years now.  Wednesday nights my brother has his daughter and so we come together for a family dinner.  Now the food cooked is generally not the problem although it is carb loaded.  When you come from a Scottish background that's how you live - meat and potatoes, with bread and butter on the side!  But, carbs aside, I lived at home when I first did weight watchers so my parents are very well trained!  My mom will take out boiled potatoes for me before adding the milk/butter to mash the rest and will save me some veggies that have not been cooked in butter and garlic.  So as long as I watch portion control, I can make it out just fine.  The real challenge is timing.  My brother tends to be the "chef extraordinaire" on these nights and unfortunately his creative process is far too slow for my liking!  I find myself so hungry waiting for dinner to be ready that I begin to snack on the various things around my parents house....candy dish, chips, cookies.....bah!  I've asked repeatedly for him to try to have dinner ready at a decent hour....7pm is not an appropriate dinner time in my world....but alas, I get told to be thankful he's cooking and pretty much "shut it".  I realize there is a simple solution - grab an apple to fill me up.  Unfortunately, that sounds completely unappetizing on most days so the simple solution loses out to more tasty options of satisfying hunger....and thus, the cycle continues! 

We added squash to my daughter's food repertoire this morning with great success.  Her first look was definitely one of "what the hell are you feeding me" but then she gobbled up the rest so momma's happy yet again! 

Surprisingly, it's a loss!

First weigh in!  I was pleasantly surprised after a disappointing start, to see that I was in fact down a pound.  I've done weight watchers enough to know that your first week is usually a much bigger loss due to the significant change in eating habits but in all honestly, I was terrible this week!  Not one day did I accomplish my 3 step plan.  The sad truth is I exercised only once in 7 days, drank enough water only once in 7 days, and stayed within my points target for only 3 of 7 days.  To top it off, I indulged at Mandarin on Wednesday and at Blue Heron buffet just last night.  To lose a pound is shocking and I'll take it!  This morning is going well.  I've had 2 glasses of my water and had a light breakfast.  With no major social engagements or celebrations this week, here's hoping I do a much better job of meeting my goals!

Feeding my daughter solids is going very well.  We've added peas to her palate with great success!  Peas for breakfast and dinner!  Can you imagine how easy it would be to maintain your points and get enough fruits/veggies if you found peas appetizing as a breakfast food??

I'm sad that summer is coming to an end but am excited for the silver lining - the return of great TV!! 

Here's hoping this week goes much better!

Flailing Already....

So much for getting a strong start out of the gate!  I won't say I'm failing, how about just flailing?  Wednesday I got in my exercise but I did not drink my water and I was over my points by 4.  Yesterday was my brother's 29th birthday and where does he choose for dinner?  Mandarin!  Now I know that I could have eaten soup, salad, and veggies but come on, it's Mandarin for crying out loud!  I guess one of my biggest challenges is that I often will shuck my diet/healthy eating when a social outing presents itself.  I just love food and eating out far too much to opt for the boring menu items!  My previous weight loss journeys have all included a general boycott of restaurants.  Unfortunately this week that isn't possible.  Not only was it my brother's birthday and therefore his choice of venue, but my second wedding anniversary is this Sunday and my husband has said he would like to go to the Blue Heron casino - buffet number two, here I come!  Certainly not an ideal starting situation.  I'm not willing to write this week off altogether but I'm thinking any loss or even just staying the same might be considered a victory.  I realize it's not exaclty an optimistic approach and it certainly feels like I'm not trying very hard but considering how I've been living the past few months, this is actually worlds better!

We reached a big milestone with our daughter this week.  She started solid foods!  Her first taste of rice cereal went very well and I can't wait to get more adventurous in what we can feed her.  This milestone has sent my head spinning for the future.  I want my daughter to be better at eating than I am.  I want her to like eating healthier choices and to eat sweets only as an occasional treat.  She's 6 months and already I am terrified that she will struggle with her weight like I have.  I worry that her Dad and I will not be able to model appropriate eating habits because our repetoire of chosen vegetables is pathetic at best.  And when I turn this back on myself it gets worse.  I worry that my fears of her struggling with weight will cause me to be overcautious in watching her eating habits and therefore end up affecting her sense of self worth.  I worry that she will see my own issues of self esteem and learn to carry this instead of growing up confident in who she is.  And deep deep inside, I worry that if I don't lose the weight, my daughter will be embarrassed to be seen with me.

That was a little more than I intended to delve into 3 blogs in but there you have it....

Well, it's a start....

Day one is coming to an end.  I've partially succeeded in my plan.  I managed to stay within my points and drank my water.  Exercise didn't happen.  Technically I've yet to fail because my goal is five days a week so I suppose today just wasn't one of those days!  On to tomorrow!  Not much else to say tonight on the topic of my weight loss!  Anyone watching America's Got Talent?  I'm so in love with Prince Poppycock!!  My husband finds this particularly bizarre but I just can't get enough!

Oops...I should have said...

Wow, caught myself already!  I wrote that 20lbs had stuck around.  Well, that was true but in the interest of full disclosure, I found 2 more this weekend.  I will make Mondays my "weigh in" day so as of today, I have 22lbs to lose - aiming for the weight I was on my wedding day.  Despite some leftover dissatisfaction, I know I felt good then and with my anniversary approaching, it seems an appropriate goal!

Welcome Bloggers

Well, here goes.  My first post.  As my profile says, I'm preparing for a weight loss journey.  I've stolen this idea from a wonderful friend who has been blogging about weight loss for years....imitation is the highest form of flattery! 

I'm a proud new momma to a beautiful baby girl.  And though I love her dearly, I do not love my post pregnancy body.  When the scale said I had gained 50lbs, I was too anxious about giving birth to worry how on earth I would lose that kind of weight.  6 weeks after my daughter was born, 30lbs had melted off despite the horrible eating I was doing.  The other 20lbs, however, have set up camp and appear determined to stick around.

Since the whole point of this blog is to make myself accountable, I suppose honesty upfront is a must so here goes.  This isn't my first weight loss journey.  Pregnancy is just my current and rather convenient excuse for needing to lose weight.  In fact, most of my post high school life has been the start, middle, or "nearing the end" of a weight loss journey.  In my first year of University, I decided to buckle down and join weight watchers.  It worked wonderfully and with a great amount of will power I lost 30lbs.  I quit weight watchers before actually reaching my goal weight and since that time, it seems I'm always trying to lose those "last ten pounds".  Sometimes it creeps up to 15lbs, rarely it shrinks down to 5lbs but not since high school have I weighed what I feel I should weigh.  Even on my wedding day (2 years ago this Sunday), feeling more fit and healthy than I had in years, I was not satisfied.  I did not reach my goal weight, nor did I get rid of the annoying jiggle in a few unflattering places. 

And so here I am.  I need a jump start to my weight loss because "I just had a baby" is not an excuse I want to be using when Kindergarten is approaching.  My plan at this point is to do three things.  Count and stay on track with my weight watcher points (at home - finances won't allow me joining right now), drink 6 glasses of water a day, and do 30 minutes of activity 5 times per week.  For the past 2 months, I have not followed any of this.  I have eaten anything and everything I feel like without an ounce of will power, water has been used only for bathing, and unless shopping counts, exercise has been next to null.  Making such a drastic change is likely to be difficult and since I've already eaten my share of points today and can't see starving for the rest of the day, I'm going to break a cardinal rule in healthy lifestyle changes and say I START TOMORROW!

That's all for now....I will be back tomorrow to let you know how it's going!